The #1 most effective way to deal with a controlling wife
that will help you both

dealing with a controlling wife effectively
If you are living with a controlling wife, you need to know that you are not alone. Living with a wife in control of everything you do is one of the most difficult things to deal with. Not just because of the lack of freedom caused by a controlling wife, but the emotional toll this takes on you as a man.

If you can learn how to deal with a controlling wife effectively, it will help you both.

The following will help you to

  • Recognize the signs of a controlling wife.
  • Learn why women are so controlling.

  • Get insights on your question: “Why is my wife so controlling.”

  • Recognize what you are going through and what it is doing to you.

  • Deal with a wife in control.

  • And finally, get an answer to the question: “Can a controlling wife change?”

Living with a controlling wife.

Living with a controlling wife can be one of the most soul-destroying situations a man has to deal with in his life. Not only does he have to deal with the controlling wife, but he also has to deal with the shame it brings when he faces his friends and family.

This shame can bring on emotional stress that very few men understand. Society, in general, assumes the role of a man is to be the leader in the house.
So when you see a wife in control of the husband, it brings up all sorts of questions about the quality of life in a household, where the wife is in control, but also the masculinity and the lack of ability of the male to lead his family.

Men who are living with a controlling wife will hate being home or even going home after work. Any man will wonder why you want to be in a house where the wife thinks she can control everything you do and how you do it.

living with a controlling wife

If your wife senses you do not want to be close to her, she will feel she is losing control. She will want to do everything she can to get rid of this feeling of loss, and the only way she knows how to do this is by trying to make sure you come home or be home as much as possible.

It is a spiral that no man wants to find himself in.

The solution is not to stay home more to avoid triggering her controlling nature. If you do this, you will feed the controlling wife monster. But more on this later.

What are the signs of a controlling wife?

signs of a controlling wife
  • She phones you regularly during the day to find out where you are and what you are doing.
  • She gives instructions to ensure you get home at a specific time.
  • A controlling wife has all the say where and how the money coming into the household will be spent.
  • Your life will be organized to the minute and fully booked to ensure you stay close to her that she knows where you are at all times.
  • She will keep a score of what you do and do not do.
  • A controlling wife has no respect for your privacy or boundaries. She will feel your desire for privacy are you creating an opportunity to cheat on her.

Why is my wife so controlling?

Wives who are controlling have a heightened sense of feeling loss. They hate the thought that someone does not like them or does not want to be with them. They may not be able to stand you as a person, but they will never let you go because of their fear of loss. 

why is my wife so controlling
A woman who loves being in control will create a life that even she does not like living. She will recognize that she keeps people in her life that she cannot stand, but she will never let go of these people because of her fear of loss.

When you look at a controlling wife and what drives them, it is not about controlling others that turns her into a controlling woman. It is the fear of losing out, losing someone, or being alone that makes them want to be in control of those around them, their environment, or anything that they feel they could lose.

As a man though, you need to be careful what you label as controlling.

 Sometimes a wife will act out because you do not respect her efforts.

An example is not cleaning the dishes or making a mess where she already cleaned. Your behavior seems to be an act of betrayal towards her and not acknowledging her work and efforts. It will make her go on a rant, and you should not confuse this with a controlling wife. In this instance, she is only fighting for respect, and it has nothing to do with being a controlling wife.

To answer the question, why is my wife so controlling is an easy one. She hates being alone and that feeling of loss is what drives her controlling nature.

Can a controlling wife change?

Can a controlling wife change

A controlling wife has a tendency to be jealous, possessive and an obsession to be acknowledged. This is born from an unresolved loss she suffered when she was younger, an unfair relationship where a parent showed more love to a sibling or she suffered loss during her adulthood. She has learned that in life you lose… unless you can somehow control what you hold dear to you.

Can a controlling wife change? The real question should be, if she suffers a fear of loss, is can the hurt she experienced be healed. As men, we have a tendency to think we need to fix everything. We think we need to come up with a solution for every problem.

If your wife is a controlling wife and this originated because of a loss during childhood or because of someone else, the chances of you being able to fix that hurt that is causing her controlling nature are very slim.
If you were the cause of her controlling nature and she is trying to fight to get control back over the relationship, in other words, try and avoid losing her relationship with you, then you may be able to fix it.

controlling wife you-you-like relationship

Only if you recommit to the relationship then your wives controlling nature may change.

But there is one thing about a relationship where you caused the feeling of loss. Your wife may become controlling only to avoid her own feelings of fear of loss. But as soon as you come close again and she feels she has won control back over you she will push you away again. When you distance yourself she will fight for control again. Your life will be in a controlling yo-yo-like spiral that you will pay for, for the rest of your life. Sometimes, if the hurt went that deep, the only way for your controlling wife to change is through marriage counseling.

Dealing with a controlling wife.

Dealing with a controlling wife is extremely difficult, especially if the cause of her controlling nature came from another source that you have no control or power over to change. Anything you do will, as we have said before, is a catalyst for the controlling nature of your wife to be ignited and you will be at the brunt of her controlling outlet.

Dealing with the control another person wants to inflict on you is a difficult one to deal with and many men give up after years of trying to change their controlling wives’ behavior. In the end, most men just grow tired.

The right way to
deal with a controlling wife.

the right way to treat a controlling woman

If you love your wife and you want to help her you need to learn how to deal with her controlling nature.

Instead of taking it personally, you need to identify what is triggering her controlling nature. Is it a loss, a hurt or just feeling alone?

You also need to identify if it is you who instigated the controlling nature or if this is coming from another source. If it is coming from another source the best way to deal with is to acknowledge that your wife has things she will need to resolve and it is not about you. 

Do not throw this at her and tell her she has issues that need to be resolved.

You are not a psychologist and coming from you it will make her feel worse about herself and again, this will be a catalyst for the controlling nature of your wife.

The best way to deal with it is captured in one word – “understanding”.

If you as a husband, fiance, or boyfriend, can understand and acknowledge that she has feelings of loss, which is most probably at the heart of her being a controlling wife, you have reached a new point in building a better relationship with your wife.

treating a controlling woman the right way

What you can do to help your wife change.

When your wife starts being controlling, she is trying to control you, your actions, and whatever you do to try and gain back a sense of having control of her life. If she felt safe, secure, and that you are a man she can look up to who will always be a rock, who will always be there, she would not try to control you. She will rather start to confide in you and seek comfort from you.

help your control freak wife change

Her controlling nature will change and she will behave like someone who is in a safe environment. This could be a hard pill to swallow, but if your wife has a tendency to be controlling, you are at this stage, not her pillar against which she can lean on when she feels the need to.

You have two choices of behavior here. You can now try and do everything to convince her that you are a strong individual with words, or you can start to be a man that she feels is her rock, her pillar of strength and with whom she feels she is in a safe environment.

Trying to convince someone who does not feel you are her rock, will not work because she will not be able to substantiate what you say to her with what she sees.
She needs to see you being a man who is solid in himself, confident, and secure.

It is not your job to fix her, but it is your responsibility, not just towards her but to yourself, to be a man of strength, a man she can lean on when she needs to.

– 40X LIFE BY DESIGN –

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The #1 most effective way to deal with a controlling wife
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If you are living with a controlling wife, you need to know that you are not alone. Living with a wife in control of everything you do is one of the most difficult things to deal with. Not just because of the lack of freedom caused by a controlling wife, but the emotional toll this takes on you as a man.

If you can learn how to deal with a controlling wife effectively, it will help you both.

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